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My Wild Elevator Ride: or why I should keep my mouth shut about writing sexy novels

Writers get lonely. We need to socialize, talk. Discover there is a world beyond our computers. So I came up with this fun character who is a writer and what happens when she goes out into the world and goes on a wild elevator ride…

I hope you enjoy my short story.

~Jina

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My Wild Elevator Ride

I work in a cubicle surrounded by books, computers, and ideas.

I get lonely.

Very lonely. Hey, a girl can only fantasize so much about meeting a sexy guy who’ll knock her bunny slippers off. (I don’t wear shoes when I’m writing.)

So when I go out, which isn’t often when you’re trying to promote your work online and get through the quagmire of the first chapter in your next book, I get talkative.

Very talkative.

When my goddess gets her gab on, I can’t stop her. My therapist says it’s repressed speech syndrome ad finitum. Or something like that.

Anyway, I got in over my head when I walked into the elevator in my hotel. I was in town to speak at a writer’s group which always makes me a nervous wreck. I was going through my usual ritual to calm my nerves. A six-pack of diet soda and dark chocolate.

The only problem was, the soda was warm.

I like ice. Cold, numbing ice. Makes me forget I have to face a room of creative ladies who are probably way more talented than I am, but for some reason they think I’m cool. I just got lucky, I tell them, but yeah, I earned my stripes in this business. Writing, getting rejections for years, and working my butt off. I’m grateful to be where I am.

So what I didn’t need was a guy chatting me up about his hundred thousand dollar a year sales job and his black BMW. Nice enough, but I wasn’t looking for anything more than an ice machine that worked.

The one on my floor was broken.

Now I was stuck in an elevator with a sales guy who had obviously removed the wedding band from his left hand. His tan line blinked at me like a neon sign. Come on in, it seemed to say, the water’s fine.

I don’t swim with the sharks.

“You don’t want to drink alone,” he said, observing my ice bucket filled with chilled cubes.

“I have my laptop for company.” I smiled. “Besides, I have work to do.”

“Are you here with the software convention?” he asked warily.

“Well…” I wasn’t, but I decided to play along.

“No way…a pretty girl like you can’t be a techie.”

“Why not?” I shot back, perturbed. I hated guys who put down a girl’s ambition. “Can’t women use their brains to get ahead?”

“Not when they have natural attributes…” He eyed my chest. Mind you, I was wearing navy blue sweats and my pink bunny slippers with floppy ears. This guy was either desperate or he’d been on the road too long.

“Sorry to disappoint you,” I said, “but I’m a writer.”

“You’re kidding?” He seemed genuinely surprised, which didn’t help my ego. “What do you write?”

Ooh...I couldn’t resist shooting him the punchline.

“I write sexy novels.”

“Well, you are full of surprises,” he said, edging closer to me. “We should get to know each other better.”

The air in the elevator suddenly got stuffier and I prayed my deodorant didn’t work so he’d get the message. So far, no one else had gotten on the elevator and I had two more stops before we got to my floor.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea.” I wiggled the ears on my rabbit slippers, hoping to shoot down this guy’s sex-o-meter. That should have stopped him right there.

It didn’t.

“How about a nightcap in my room? My bottle of bourbon and your—” He paused, wetting his lips. “Ice cubes.”

“You mean do research for my books?”

“Oh, yeah…”

“I bet,” I said.

I shouldn’t have opened my mouth, but sometimes we writers just ache to act like our heroines and throw back those snappy remarks. I tried to discourage him, but when he started breathing in my face, I knew I was in over my head. I did what any romance heroine would do.

I dumped the bucket of melting ice on his pinstripe suit.

“Hey, what the—” he called out and thank God, the elevator door opened. It wasn’t my floor, but I didn’t care. One more minute with Mr. BMW and I would have ended up served on a chilled platter.

Before he could brush the ice off his shoulders, out I ran. Down the long corridor and then I jammed down the stairway to the next floor to my room.

I never looked back.

I spent the rest of the night drinking warm soda and giggling as I wrote this guy into my story. I bet he won’t forget me either.

I imagine that was the last time he tried to pick up a girl in an elevator wearing pink bunny slippers.

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Happy Halloween! My Speed Date with a Vampire

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Turned off by online dating?

Friends fixing you up?

Try speed dating.

I did.

And I found the most gorgeous vampire.

My Speed Date with a Vampire.

A short story to die for…

===========

meet Count di Romanzo, a vampire to die for

And here’s a BONUS for you! My Speed Date Vampire . . .

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Happy Halloween! My Speed Date with a Vampire

Ooh, Halloween goodies and a hottie vampire date. Am I not the luckiest witch ever?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Turned off by online dating?

Friends fixing you up?

Try speed dating.

I did.

And I found the most gorgeous vampire.

My Speed Date with a Vampire.

A short story to die for…

COMING LATER TODAY — my AUDIO version of My Speed Date with a Vampire with my voiceover and sound effects, too!

===========

Come join me over at CHARMED CONNECTION Halloween Event/ from 2 – 4 pm today where I’ll premiere my short vampire story in both print and audio.

Hosted by Tari Lynn Porter-Jewett

Halloween Flash Fiction stories, recipes, games and prizes all brought to you by authors of Charmed Writers!

 

 

meet Count di Romanzo, a vampire to die for

And here’s a BONUS for you! My Speed Date Vampire . . .

Oh, yum!

1 day to go till my Speed Date with a Vampire: Count Down to Halloween with me

I am so not into speed dating until I’ve had my coffee.

1 day to go till my Speed Date with a Vampire

 

Turned off by online dating?

Friends fixing you up?

Try speed dating.

I did.

And I found the most gorgeous vampire.

Count down to #Halloween with me as we get closer to the holiday and My Speed Date with a Vampire.

A short story to die for…

Photo caption:  I am so not into speed dating until I’ve had my coffee.

===========

Come join me over at CHARMED CONNECTION Halloween Event/

Hosted by Tari Lynn Porter-Jewett

Five days of Halloween Flash Fiction stories, recipes, games and prizes all brought to you by authors of Charmed Writers! Oct 27 – Oct 31st.

My Speed Date with a Vampire: Video Promo

Turned off by online dating?

Friends fixing you up?

Try speed dating.

I did.

And I found the most gorgeous vampire.

Count down to Halloween with me as we get closer to the holiday and My Speed Date with a Vampire.

A short story to die for…

===============

Halloween Flash Fiction stories, recipes, games and prizes all brought to you by authors of Charmed Writers! Now through Oct 31st.

I’ll be hosting from 2 – 4 pm on Halloween with an AUDIO version of my vampire story as well as print.

Go to the CHARMED CONNECTION Facebook page:

me over at CHARMED CONNECTION Halloween Event/

Hosted by Tari Lynn Porter-Jewett

 

2 days to go till my Speed Date with a Vampire: Count Down to Halloween with me

Oh, Lord, did someone say speed dating? Where do I sign up?

Day 9 of my countdown to Halloween!

 

Turned off by online dating?

Friends fixing you up?

Try speed dating.

I did.

And I found the most gorgeous vampire.

Count down to Halloween with me as we get closer to the holiday and My Speed Date with a Vampire.

A short story to die for…

===============

Come join me over at CHARMED CONNECTION Halloween Event/

Hosted by Tari Lynn Porter-Jewett

Five days of Halloween Flash Fiction stories, recipes, games and prizes all brought to you by authors of Charmed Writers! Oct 27 – Oct 31st.

3 days to go till my Speed Date with a Vampire: Count Down to Halloween with me

I hope this speed dating thing doesn’t backfire on me . . . a vampire? Seriously?

3 days to go till my Speed Date with a Vampire

 

Turned off by online dating?

Friends fixing you up?

Try speed dating.

I did.

And I found the most gorgeous vampire.

Count down to #Halloween with me as we get closer to the holiday and My Speed Date with a Vampire.

A short story to die for…

Photo caption: I hope this speed dating thing doesn’t backfire on me . . . a vampire? Seriously?

===========

Come join me over at CHARMED CONNECTION Halloween Event/

Hosted by Tari Lynn Porter-Jewett

Five days of Halloween Flash Fiction stories, recipes, games and prizes all brought to you by authors of Charmed Writers! Oct 27 – Oct 31st.

4 days to go till my Speed Date with a Vampire: Count Down to Halloween with me

Can you believe I got stuck with this bite-happy vampire? I want a vampire like she’s got.

Day 7 of my countdown to Halloween!

 

Turned off by online dating?

Friends fixing you up?

Try speed dating.

I did.

And I found the most gorgeous vampire.

Count down to Halloween with me as we get closer to the holiday and My Speed Date with a Vampire.

A short story to die for…

===============

Come join me over at CHARMED CONNECTION Halloween Event/

Hosted by Tari Lynn Porter-Jewett

Five days of Halloween Flash Fiction stories, recipes, games and prizes all brought to you by authors of Charmed Writers! Oct 27 – Oct 31st.

5 days to go till my Speed Date with a Vampire: Count Down to Halloween with me

1st witch: I hear the hottie vampire loves redheads 2nd witch: Darling, he’s so into blondes. 3rd witch: Brunettes are bewitching 4th witch: You’re all wrong. The hottie vampire loves a woman who can ride her broomstick all night long!

Day 6 of my countdown to Halloween!

 

Turned off by online dating?

Friends fixing you up?

Try speed dating.

I did.

And I found the most gorgeous vampire.

Count down to Halloween with me as we get closer to the holiday and My Speed Date with a Vampire.

A short story to die for…

===============

Come join me over at CHARMED CONNECTION Halloween Event/

Hosted by Tari Lynn Porter-Jewett

Five days of Halloween Flash Fiction stories, recipes, games and prizes all brought to you by authors of Charmed Writers! Oct 27 – Oct 31st.

6 days to go till My Speed Date with a Vampire: Count Down to Halloween with me

What do you think about me going on a speed date with a vampire, Ollie? Ollie: It’s a hoot!

Day 5 of my countdown to Halloween!

 

Turned off by online dating?

Friends fixing you up?

Try speed dating.

I did.

And I found the most gorgeous vampire.

Count down to Halloween with me as we get closer to the holiday and My Speed Date with a Vampire.

A short story to die for…

===============

Come join me over at CHARMED CONNECTION Halloween Event/

Hosted by Tari Lynn Porter-Jewett

Five days of Halloween Flash Fiction stories, recipes, games and prizes all brought to you by authors of Charmed Writers! Oct 27 – Oct 31st.

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